Always Something to Celebrate

Well, it's been a very emotional past few days with Grandma's fall. I know that for the four kids, this is the first time we have been through something like this as "adults." Now that we are all grown up, we comprehend everything that this event entails. As "adults," I think we actually all take a little sliver of responsibility for what has happened and what will need to happen from here on out. We have never been a part of making a decision between life and death. We have always been so young (or, not born) when our family has dealt with tragedy. We have never lost someone who has been so invested in who we are becoming as human beings and as contributing members of this family. This is unfamiliar. It is difficult. It is sad. It is exhausting. It is also very hopeful. It is, as Keith acknowledged, part of "The Circle of Life."

After spending the past four days in the hospital, I have witnessed Grandma coming in and out of different stages. We've laughed and had full conversations, I've watched her sleep, and I was also with her in the very few minutes where the decision had to be made to either insert a breathing tube for her to have a chance at recovering, or not. It's funny. I want nothing more at this point in my life to have some amazing epiphany of exactly WHAT I am supposed to do, and an opportunity to do it. Yet, I had a different calling on Thursday. I knew where I was supposed to be, and I stayed by grandma's side, all day, for the past four days. I wouldn't have changed a second of it, and I thank God that I was available to do so, especially because everyone else has other commitments and lives in different places so were not able to be with her. I felt responsible for representing "the kids" until they all arrived.

As of now, things could definitely be worse. We know that. Still, we struggle to find a "happy place" knowing that Grandma is suffering, uncomfortable, and HUNGRY. In reflecting on the past few days, I realize that there really is so much to celebrate.

- How smart Grandma is. This makes it difficult because we see that her body cannot keep up with her brain. However, she knows who each of us are, she knows that we are there with her, she knows we love her, she knows that she wants the blinds PUT THE FUCK UP and the new toilet seat cover put on. CALL THE CLEANING LADY and tell her not to come on Monday, because if she does, I won't be there to make her her half of a SANGwich. Don't let the meatloaf go to waste! Stop asking me where I am or when I was born, "MY HEAD IS FINE!" Ok, do whatever you need to do, "THEN DO I GET LUNCH?!" "What time is it?!" Don't put me on a breathing tube, because, "I WILL BE FINE." This is all something to celebrate. She is not in a coma. She is still very much her usual self.

- We are all together. We don't all live on Union Street with her, but, we are all here (or at least, on our way) now and have gotten to see her, maybe for one last time, or maybe just so she knows we are personally telling her we demand a speedy recovery. Thank you Grandma for giving us all an excuse to be together when we would not have had one otherwise. I am sure this was part of your plan, and we thank you for it.

- FOOD. It's hard to think or talk about food around her because she hasn't eaten since her fall, but we've shared some great Veggie Chips, Power Drinks, Vending Machine Cottage Cheese and Sangwiches, Burritos, Pastas, Wine and Manhattans together while waiting for visiting hours, or waiting for a new day.

- The Circle of Life. We might be saying goodbye (and we might not be), but, while one life is uncertain, another life of a new family member is growing by the second. He is also learning to love soda and coffee and other hospital specialties, and he is surrounded by the people who will be there to welcome him, and do the same things for him as Grandma as done for us.

- Ines's Birthday. Weird timing, but really, not too weird. We don't make the plans. Obviously it was planned to have a celebration that we've had for the past (however old Ines turns today) years at the same time we are mourning. We are forced to celebrate and all that that entails. Really, things could be so much worse.

- Support. We are all supporting each other and helping each other stay positive. We all have our individual relationships with her, so we hug each other and dry each other's tears as one of us weakens with uncertainty. We are also reminded that our small family really isn't small at all. Our friends, who are really so much more than that, have occupied us with texts, calls, clothes, food, e-mails, facebook comments, and prayers. We are never alone. We see the great power that sadness has to bring people together and how much love and positivity surrounds us.

- Two words. Il Pirata. Our new family restaurant? I mean, nothing will replace Joe's of Westlake, but it's nice to mix it up. Plus, this place has a special significance about it now.

- The hospital. OK, not SF General physically, but the people who work there. Tina's friend Terry from Nursing School runs the joint. What are the chances? Every nurse treating Grandma in the ICU received a phone call from Terry. Don't Mess. Also, the team of Nurses, NP's, and doctors know that Grandma is the shit (because they told us), and we truly believe that she is in great hands.

- I also need to add that Saturday, the roughest day, was exactly 6th months since we were all together to celebrate Matt's and my marriage. :)

Now, some visual examples of how we have rummaged for the power to smile...

Tina had a mini baby shower for Juliet with Josie so that Grandma could see Juliet opening baby gifts.

If this isn't a time for Pena, I don't know what is.

Umm Steak Bruschetta??! Unreal.

The little one.

With any event, happy or sad, there has to be lessons learned. Just a few that I know I will take away from this...

1. Family is Life.

2. Food brings people together. Good food. And lots of it.

3. DO NOT let the old Italian woman get hungry!

4. Life really is a circle of events, happy and sad.

5. God makes the plans.

6. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE.

I wanted to leave off with a happy picture of Grandma. She doesn't know what she looks like since her fall, so I am sure this is how she sees herself, and how she will always want us to see her, regardless of what God has planned for her.

We love you Grandma!
You've got this!